Confusion -- A Quarterlife Crisis

Over the past year, I feel like God's been trying to teach me the same thing over and over: I don't know everything. This year has been the most tumultuous, unsettling, dizzying time of my life. So many of my preconceptions were shattered. Things I thought I had gotten rid of years ago popped up and started taunting me again. New challenges faced me as well. I had (and have) no idea how to react, and that is incredibly frustrating. I think I must have written the phrase "I don't know" or closely related words in my journal a thousand times, and I usually only say that when I'm near my breaking point. Well, I suppose I say it occasionally when I'm just apathetic as well, but the context makes it clear that the former, not the latter, is what has been happening this year. At any rate, you'd think I'd have learned my lesson by now, and started to be comfortable with the fact that things change, my opinions and attitudes change, I don't know everything, etc. Not even close. A sense of confusion has started to arise again, and I am completely freaking out about it. I'm going to be brave and be specific, even though the mere thought of this absolutely terrifies me. Okay, here goes ...

I'm not sure if I want to be a journalism major. I must have the worst timing in the history of man; this is definitely the wrong time to start questioning this. I was just accepted into a journalism study abroad program, and I was also just accepted officially into the magazine sequence. Everything's right on track for me to start taking useful journalism classes here when I get back from England, and I'm just not sure if I want to. I haven't enjoyed any of the journalism classes I've taken; I like the one I'm in now, but we're talking about culture and media (mostly entertainment) -- journalism isn't really a focal point. I'm not sure if I have any design ability. I don't know if it's something I'll enjoy for the rest of my life, or if I'm creative enough for it.

What's even scarier is that I thought about changing majors last year, too. Well, actually, I thought about declaring a double major, but it's too late for that at this point unless I want to stay an extra year. (I don't.) Anyway, I've written before that I know I won't get an advanced degree in journalism, and I mean that. Then the question is: What is the value of a journalism degree if that's not the field you're going into/interested in? Journalism is a vocational major, so I don't think it can be extended to a lot of fields.

What would I switch to? I'm sure all of you can guess, if you haven't already. That's right: English. Shocking, I know. I'm sure no one would suspect that I, a voracious reader and would-be writer, would want to study English. I don't know what to do with all this; I probably won't change majors, partially out of fear, if I'm going to be honest. If I major in English, I have no idea what I'll do. I do know, though, that it'll deal with words somehow, and that thought is both appealing and comforting.

Grrrr! Where did this come from again? Curse indecisiveness and all related things!