I am trying so hard to be positive. If nothing else, I want to appear positive, not let my stress seep into my actions. Unfortunately, I am not able to hide my emotions. I can keep secrets and thoughts locked away, but my face will always be a dead giveaway of what I'm feeling. Life is tense right now. I have a photo crit due on Friday, but I still have no images that I can use. (The one roll of film I have managed to develop properly doesn't have any images that are good enough.) The Thursday after that I have a 2,500 word essay due, but I can't find examples of British writing style, even though the teacher told me to look up examples online. They're just not there. That same day I have a 1 1/2 to 2 min film due. The next two weeks will be spent creating a soundtrack and editing. The thought makes me slightly nauseous; I've gotten so involved with the film that I want nothing more to do with it.

I can't relax. I can't sleep. I can't write.

I hate that I can't look on the bright side of things. God's done so much for me in this last month and a half, but I can't seem to think about that. I've grown so much, but somehow things feel exactly the same.

I have two prescription bottles of antidepressants on a shelf in my room. I wonder if I should start taking them. But the question is, is this depression? I'm always stressed at mid-terms. Culture shock is still an option. I'm happy sometimes. It's too bad there's no one here to tell me what to do ...