I hate to admit it, but I'm tired. I don't really like cities. Some people thrive on the energy, but it just drains me. I think things will get better when I have started classes, and have a place to call home. Even though I like the place I'm staying at now, it just feels so temporary. I suppose that's because it is. There's nothing like having suitcases unpacked to make a place feel real. I just feel like I have to put everything on hold until I have a room; I don't want to buy things because it just means more than I have to transfer on the tube and bus. I don't want to unpack because I'm leaving soon enough that it'd just be a pain to repack. I think I may have a place to stay, but it depends on whether or not the flatmates think it's okay. They have a year's contract. I think everyone has a year's contract. Staying for only 3 months looks like it'll be a disadvantage. I'm glad I'm only staying three months, though. I miss home already. I'm reading Mansfield Park right now, and it's amazing how well I connect with Fanny, the main character. Right now, she's staying in the city of Portsmouth, and lamenting missing spring in Mansfield Park. Austen wrote something about her not knowing how much she loved watching flowers, and how sad it was to have that experience replaced with the coldness of the city. I guess that's how I feel. I think I was rash in deciding to come to London. I can't wait to get to Germany, where I at least know someone, even if she speaks a different language.

I really am trying to be optimistic and keep my eyes and mind in the right place, but it's so hard. I panic. For example, today. I thought I'd get to move into a room today, but she told me she hadn't talked to her flatmates. So I was roomless for a while today, searching desperately on hostelworld.com for an available room. There's nothing free on Saturday nights. However, I stayed here to do the search, and the clerk came and told me that a room had just opened up. Wow. Then he told me that another had opened for tomorrow night, just in case I don't get to move in tomorrow, either. Absolutely amazing. I was blown away. I'll have to cling to that ...